Journey's End with a Mother

My mother passed away 10th August and looking at the date of my last post, she fought on for an amazing nine days. In the Urology Ward, I found it difficult to leave her each night knowing that she might wake and not know where she was. I asked them if I could sleep in a chair by her bed but they said it was against the rules. When I explained why they said they would make sure she has something to make her sleep through. As she had a catheter fitted, there was no need for her to wake up to use the toilet,

The next day the perky little Urology specialist assigned her a Physio and thought that if she could walk about again that would help her regain kidney function. So they all decided to walk her to the shower. It was most fearful thing to watch and thankfully my sister in law Julie was there that day and her nursing experience was invaluable. However I still felt that it was beyond her and put her through unnecessary suffering.


The following day Matt my son, and his wife Ann and little Audrey came down from Cambooya and they told Mum that they were pregnant again. It just made her day. However it was also the day that they decided that decided to pump in lots of fluid . The problem was to find a decent vein. They tried about eight times and finally a new younger resident came along and popped it in straight away. I must say, Ann, Audrey and I cleared the room during this process,as it was too hard to watch her pain. We cowards departed in tears leaving Matt holding her hand.


By Wednesday she was on increased pain relief and the perky one asked her if she would consent to have dialysis which Mum refused. When he spoke to me about a possible changing of her mind, I rustled Mum's Advance Health Directive at him so he quietened down. I realise now this lovely man is totally devoted to saving lives. That afternoon and evening I devoted totally to finding a place for her to die. It was tough to do and difficult to find a place to take her. I booked two appointments for the following day to inspect facilities because I wanted her last hours to be with us in a beautiful place.

On Thursday morning early I was introduced to the head honcho of the Palliative Care Unit at the hospital which was situated across the road for the hospital on a floor of a lovely private hospital leased by Queensland Health. Yes they would look after her . I didn't need to find her another place. I felt an enormous pressure was lifted off my shoulders. It was lovely. During that day while we waited or her to be moved I explained that she was going into Palliative Care and that it was ok for her to leave us. We would all be alright mainly because she had been such a wonderful mother grandmother and great grandmother. I told her how lucky I was to be her daughter and in turn she told me that she blessed the day I had been born. I informed her I was here for the long haul and didn't intend to leave her. I was determined she wouldn't die alone. Then we laughed about how she would wait up for me for long enough when I went out and how I would always fib about the time I got in and how she always knew exactly what time it was. She spoke to Charlie by phone and told him how much joy he had brought into our lives especially after our Dad died quite young. She spoke to Adam and told him how much she loved him too.


The first room In Palliative Care was a divided one which we shared with another lovely lady (let's call her Ruth) who had only a few months to go with terminal cancer. She was from the country and we would chat and include her in lots of our jokes and laughter. She really appreciated us turning on her television and fetching nurses etc. That first night I slept in a trick recliner chair which would catapult you from sitting to lying to standing positions and back again in the most startling way. We spent most of the first night stifling laughter when Mum's morphine wore off, apologising to Ruth after she kept checking if I was still ok or was I on the floor.


The following night we had two mattresses and I was joined by Julie on a chair sitting up and my brother, Charlie on the other mattress. Nobody wanted to leave. So they upgraded us into the best room in the place . It was beautiful with five picture windows overlooking the mountains and a Private school. It had lots of space for everyone to come and visit and stay. Then they began to cater for us and spare meals and sandwiches were found for any one who turned up unexpectedly. Mum was fitted with a morphine pump which fed her pain relief at regular intervals and when she made a moan we just had to say the word and they were in " like Flynn" to give her a top up shot. The nurses and doctors were absolutely wonderful in their care of Mum and of us. Social workers and the chaplain came and even the catering staff stopped and talked and listened and found boxes of tissues to dry our tears.


We played all of her favourite music and talked to her constantly and I believe she did hear us and was particularly more alert when the young'uns came like Jalyce the youngest and only granddaughter was around as well as Michaela, my oldest my grand- daughter and Mum's great grand-daughter.and Nic my youngest son and his wife Ali. We talked as if she was really there and laughed lots about all the good times and the experiences we had had together with her. It was a great time and I am so grateful for it.

Finally on the Tuesday, we were awakened a 4 am by the difference in Mum's breathing. We alerted the nurses and they told us that it wouldn't be very long now. I remembered people talking about the "death rattle" and knew that this was what it was although the nurses were loath to call it that. The fluid in the catheter was almost nil and at that stage no-one wanted to leave her even to go for a coffee. We were in the process of informing a lovely nurse from Liverpool about the true bliss of a good coffee and the merits of it being perked, dripped or as an espresso when Mum heaved a big bored sigh as if to say "Enough of the coffee talk , I'm outa here. " Then she was gone.

The nurses laid her out beautifully and we said a final good-bye. That was tough. I held her hand until it was cold thinking all the while what a fortunate woman I am to have had such a one give birth to me. I only hope some of her lives on in me.